Make A Change | Leave Behind Worry, Insecurities, and Busyness

Photo by Yoann Boyer on Unsplash

God’s voice was simply a whisper.

My inner thoughts were screaming.

All I could focus on was the diseases I might have, the fear of being alone, and how I had lost my identity.

It all boiled down to my first panic attack.

There I sat, in the middle of the Atlanta Airport, completely beside myself. Scared. My life was by no means horrible. Maybe stressful at times. But the sudden panic attack, didn’t make sense.

Why did my body act as if it was in shock? I was a strong woman. I was happy. Nothing seemed to add up.

This only happened two days ago. I haven’t even fully processed everything. All I know is something has to change. I can’t sit here and live a life full of fear.

Last night, I sat down with my husband to talk about what I have been feeling. I love him dearly, but his advice can be so…. simple. After I dumped out all of my baggage, I told him the crazy thoughts that ran through my mind. He then said  “It will be fine.” Is this a trigger word for anyone else?! It sent a negative emotion right through me.

As frustrated as I was, Cameron had some truth behind his straightforward answer. Everything in life seems to work it’s self out. But in the moment, that wasn’t good enough. The fear, anxiety, and obsessiveness of my mind began to spiral out of control.

I’m not sure if it was the look in my eye or if Cameron could just sense that he wasn’t helping. He tried coming up with some advice, that seemed logical; pray more and meditate on verses. These are things I had tried but was too impatient to wait for God to respond.

That’s when Cameron gave me this advice. I can’t expect to pray and God make my life perfect. He is putting me through this season of my life, for a reason. God can’t work miracles without my help. My relationship with God isn’t one sided. It is just like any friendship; there is give and take.

Cameron then mentioned that writing out my feelings may help overcome all the deep rooted thoughts in my mind. Instead of keeping a journal, I felt God asking me to share my journey. I needed to be raw and honest. Although at times the thoughts in my mind make me feel alone, I know that there are other woman who struggle with the same things.

So here it goes……

The person I am today is far from the woman I want to be tomorrow. When I think of my future daughter, I only pray she doesn’t turn out like me. I have this hope that she will do as I say not as I do. As I prepare myself for the days of motherhood, I often find myself feeling unworthy of having children. If I don’t love myself, how will my children love themselves?

I hope my children……

– are confident

– see their inner beauty

– make people smile

– are the truest Christians than can be

– run after their dreams

– have hobbies that bring them joy

– work hard and never give up

– say yes sir and no ma’am

– love their spouse with all their heart

– live free of worry

– find stillness in the busyness of life

– see the world as Cameron does

– say it’s fine

– feel free

– invest in their friendships

– praise the Lord with all their soul

My dream is to raise three beautiful children and to teach them the simple gifts of life.

But I need to learn them first. I have a little over two years before we will plan to start having children. Since Cameron is in the military, he will be gone most of the next two years. Between underways and a deployment, he will only be home for about six months. This will be hard. It’s difficult for me to even write about. But I’m trying a new approach, it’s my time to learn all the things I hope for my sweet children.

I don’t even know where to begin. This journey seems daunting and too huge to tackle. Maybe it’s my motherly instinct, but I want what’s best for my children. That is why today, I am putting me first. I will change. I will become the woman, friend, wife, and mother, I know I can be.

What makes today different than yesterday? Or tomorrow? God has lit a fire in me.

That day I had a panic attack, was when God made it clear that something needed to change. In the past, I have had many “you need to change” moments. I have improved some areas of my life but as a whole I am no where near the woman I need to be. Just six months ago my relationship with God was rocky. It wasn’t constant…. it was convenient. I chose when I needed him. Today, regardless of what is going on, I always turn to God. The closer I get to Him the more I see the woman He wants me to be.

But why is this “you need to change” moment different? The answer is almost too simple. Heaven

Back in eight grade, I was saved by God my father. In that moment, there was no sin in this world that could stop me from going to heaven. I could see myself dancing in front of Him. The joy and happiness around me would be so full.

As I grew older, the fear of my family and friends not going with me crept in. I began ignoring God. Praying when it was convenient and chalking it up to busyness. The truth is I’m still scared.

I thank God everyday that my husband walks so faithfully beside me. Knowing that I will see Cameron in heaven brings so much comfort to my soul.

The desire to change is because I want to influence my husband, children, family, and friends. I hope they look up to me and see that the love I have for myself is because of something greater. I am loved by God and I am fulfilled because of that.

I don’t fully understand what all of this means or how I will feel differently. All I know is that He has a plan and I need to trust it.

Today, I’m one step closer. I acknowledge that I need to change.

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DIY Christmas Gift || Watch & Ring Holder || The Frugal Fit Girl

My guy is majorly into watches and has 2 giant class rings so, last year for Christmas, I wanted to get him something that could store both.  I looked around Etsy for a while but didn’t see anything that fit my budget so, I decided to make this watch and ring holder.   I choose a dark wood frame and a microfiber suede fabric to create a very masculine “cigar room” look but you can absolutely customize this to fit you’re guy’s individual style.

This entire project only cost me $15! Shopping with coupons at Jo-Ann Fabric and Michael’s is what really saved me money on this DIY. I used a 50% off coupon on the fabric, a 50% off coupon on the Spray Adhesive and a 40% off coupon on the Frame.  Finding online coupons is super easy; in fact, both stores mentioned have them on their websites and let you scan the coupon from your phone!

Ok, let’s get started….

Materials Needed:

  • 1/3rd yard fabric
  • 5”x7” frame
  • Spray adhesive
  • E600 Glue (or another strong super glue)
  • Cabinet Knob
  • Cabinet Door Cup Pull (if your guy wears a large ring, like a class ring, make sure to keep that in mind when choosing a door pull, otherwise, any pull should work.)
  • 1/8thick plywood (you can find this at your local craft store)

Tools Needed:

  • Measuring tape
  • Scissors
  • Sand paper
  • Jigsaw or hand saw (or have a friend cut the wood to size for you

Estimated Project Time: 30 minutes

Directions

Step 1: Take the back off of the picture frame and remove the glass.

Step 2: Cut a piece of the plywood to the exact dimensions of the glass.  Use sandpaper to sand the sides a little just so you don’t have splinters poking through once you add the fabric. After you cut the plywood to size, it’s a good idea to put it back in the picture frame just to double check that it fits right.

DIY Christmas Present

Step 3: Cut your fabric so that you have about 3” of fabric hanging on each end of the plywood.

Step 3: Spray one side of the plywood with spray adhesive.  Wait 1-2 minutes until the adhesive dries to tacky.  Then, lay the fabric on top of the plywood making sure to smooth out any bubbles or wrinkles.

Step 4: Flip the ply wood over and spray the other side. This side with be the back so it doesn’t have to be pretty, just make sure that the fabric is glued down flat enough that it doesn’t bunch.

DIY Christmas Present Frame

Step 5: Now that you’ve finished wrapping your plywood in fabric, it’s time to add the knob and door pull.  Start by putting the plywood back into the frame.  Next, take your knob and door pull and eye ball where you want them to go.  Here’s where you can use your measuring tape to make sure they’re centered…or close enough to center.  

DIY Christmas Present Watch Holder

Step 6: Almost there…next, use your E600 Glue to glue down the knob first and then the door pull.  Once you’re sure on you have them positioned correctly, press them down firmly and allow to dry for at least 24hrs before using.

DIY Christmas Gift Ring Holder

All done! I hope you enjoyed this project. If you have any questions about it, feel free to contact me at tasha@thefrugalfitgirl.com. I’d love to see how you put your own spin on this!

Bio: Tasha Whitmore is the Health and Well Being Director for an area Nonprofit in Tucson, AZ. She runs the blog: The Frugal Fit Girl which teaches those working to get out of debt ways to continue to live Healthy, Balance, Fabulous lives! Check out her blog at www.thefrugalfitgirl.com.

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